I respect everyone who wants to help our family and offer some advice on how to help in our current situation, but I am frustrated because most people just don't understand the complexity of the issues.
I am so tired of hearing, in some form of another, just make them suck it up!
My children are behaving normally for a 3-4 year old. They are 6. Their behaviour is associated with many internal hurts, trauma from our experience of having a child with cancer. Yes, someday things will have to be different. But just a few short months ago our lives were turned upside down again.
Look at it this way... if your child got hit my a car and had a gushing open wound to the head or leg, would you just tell them to suck it up?? Of course not. You would need to seek medical treatment ASAP and have them treat the wound so it can heal properly followed by proper physio therapy.
Well my kids have a big open wounds in their hearts right now. If we leave it and just make them suck it up then the prognosis is poor, just like the poor kid with a physical injury. We are seeking treatment and we must give them time to heal before making them "run" again to prevent further damage.
Baby steps. Not just throw them into a big situation we know they do not have the tools to deal. Like putting your child with a healing leg that was broken into a race. Start with walking.
Dealing with emotional issues is challenging because it is not a physical thing you or anyone can see. Progress is hard to determine and knowing when to push is hard to judge. It is a process, and likely, a much longer process than that of a physical injury.
We must be patient and sensitive to their situation. And I like to think as a well connected parent, I will know when its real or manipulative behaviour. Right now, I feel their suffering. I am still suffering and I am an adult. So yes, we are dealing with things differently and giving them more choice than ordinarily. But right now tough and stressful situations normal for most kids become monstrous and overwhelming to mine. It's a BIG deal.
And in the end, if my failure as a parent is because I was too giving, too nice and too loving to my children, then so be it!